Five-year-old James Joyce

Are there always tornadoes in June?
Are there tornadoes every day in June? What about across the Great Atlantic Ocean?
What is a sharpie for? How do you get sharpie off of stuff? Is it called sharpie get-off soap? Would water work to take it off? Why would you want to write something you can't get off?
When will you be done writing? I wish I was God, because then I could do anything I wanted.

How can Meta-Knight turn into a tornado anyway?
How does Mario shoot fireballs out of his hands?
Where is this made in? Why does this kind of look like a stapler? But it doesn't do the same thing? Why does this move back and forth?  Do some things have the thing you press down and the ink comes off things and it makes the label?
What does evangelical mean?

I'm very strong. I bet I could knock a whole window down in one bash.  I bet I could throw that and it could get damaged pretty well.  I'm that strong.
Pikachu. Pikachu. Pikachu. Pikachu.
How come when I pick Pikachu on Super Squash Brothers, my controller goes "Uh-oy"?
The bullets go on the tornado. The light from the moon shines on Pikachu and that means he will save them.

How come there are different ways to label things? Can these labels stay on forever. Can the ink labels stay on forever? What if you use printer ink? How come the stuff on your calendar ink never comes off?

Squirrel noises.
For Amber's next birthday, I'm thinking we should buy her a Sophia dress.  She has all the other supplies but not the dress.
Dad? You know the thing where you sit on at Bible Study? Sometimes we use that and put some preschool clothes on it and that makes a stand because nothing else makes a stand, well I think so, but there might be something else that does, I don't know, there might be and there might not.

Dashi, I'm already on it.  I'm already on it, Captain. I'm already on it, Captain. I'm already on it Captain. I'm already on it, Captain.
Humming "Octonauts" theme.
Dad, is it okay if I erase some of your Bible Study things? I won't erase them all.  I just need a spot to draw a computer.

The lab launch will never end.  It's a good spot on the earth. But there is a spot where I can slide back to earth.

The Flesh is Weak

Mom said, "Kiddo, it's time to get dressed."

After Mom left the room, he mumbled, "No, I don't think I will."
Dad asked, "What did you say?"
"I wasn't talking to you.  I was just talking to my brain.  It's trying to tell me what to do, and I'm trying to tell it I don't want to."
"Oh? What was your brain telling you to do?"
"It was telling me that I should listen to my mom, but I'm trying to tell it I don't want to."
"Maybe your brain is trying to tell you that because it's a good idea."
"No, sometimes it just says weird things like that.  Like sometimes, when I'm playing on the little computer,* it tells me that it's too loud and it's hurting my ears, and I should turn the volume down.  But I'm afraid if I do that, then I wouldn't hear what Vee* was telling me to do, so I try to tell my brain that I'm not going to turn the volume down."
"Maybe sometimes you could try meet your brain halfway?"



*Our Kindle
*The talking street lamp from Chuggingtons

Preschool avarice

During one of his days at preschool, my son was prompted to make a New Year's resolution.  The teacher wrote up each child's resolution on a special paper, and posted it on the bulliten board.  Curious to know what he had said, I spent some time reading the board.  All of the kids decided they wanted to learn something- perhaps tying their shoes, writing their names without help, helping mom and dad with dishes or laundry- all of them, that is, except my son.  He doesn't want to learn anything.  He wants to "read more train books, and buy more things."

Sigh.

Advice from the other side

I met a dear woman at a pancake feed this past Sunday.  I am grateful to her for sharing with me some of the wisdom she had learned from her days of child-rearing.  I would do well to remember it.

"When your children are doing something that makes you want to die, turn your head; you'll feel better."

Indeed, I will feel better.   We all will feel better.

Indeed, the waters around me have grown

I had to explain to a four year old that my cell phone couldn't play Angry Birds.  He didn't believe me until I got the thing out, flipped it open, and touched the screen to prove that it doesn't work like an iPad.

 He stared for a long time at the phone before turning to me and saying, "What does it do, then?"

Yup, I'm that cool.