Once my shock wore off, I stopped googling, and I realized just how foolish I'd been. After all, when we stopped using birth control, it was because we trusted that our merciful God would take care of our family. How foolish then, to assume that he would stop caring for us just because my sin-worn body failed at a critical moment, and a doctor had to step in and save the life of me and my child. How senseless, indeed, to presume that we would now be left to care for things on our own. How selfish to imagine that my own existence would be vital to my family's perseverance.
It is much simpler to continue trusting his mercy, and believe that if he grants us more children, and we fervently pray that he will, he will see us through its accompanying trials, however grave or trivial. For if the Lord has seen me safely thus far, far be it from me to think that even in death he would not care for his sheep.
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;in the night also my heart instructs me.I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;my flesh also dwells secure.For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,or let your holy one see corruption.